Senior Dating

I’m often amused by married people's view of the state of Singleness. It seems to conjure up some combination of odd, pitiful, enviable and mysterious. Invariably, they pose The Question, “Why isn’t a nice gal like you married?” How does one answer that?

The coupled world looks at being single as something to fix. There’s an underlying premise that one is “completed” by having a partner. I understand many advantages, even well after child producing years. Sharing expenses and household chores, a ready date for movies and concerts, avoiding the Single’s surcharge on trips, reliable intimacy; are all positive cases for marriage. Any number of surveys purport to show through scientific analysis that married people are empirically happier than single people. I question the conclusions, considering most of the folks who are incarcerated, homeless, or severely disabled/ill are more likely lumped in with the singles, thereby bringing down the happiness averages. Or perhaps the studies are conducted right after tax season.

Still, even blissfully committed single people are occasionally lured into the dating world. That’s why there’s not a strong Singles lobby – most Singles consciously or subconsciously expect that their status will change at some point. Married people may have the same secret dreams about their condition, but with obvious negative consequences for revealing them.

Dating in the 21st century, especially once college is over, generally starts with an on-line hook-up. Whatever stigma once existed has been replaced by the clichéd and hackneyed observation, “I don’t want to hang out in bars” as if bars were a bad place to hang out and the only place where human commerce takes place. (However, when you and cyber-man make arrangements to meet, invariably it’s in a bar). To the uninitiated, the process may be intimidating. But most quickly realize that by relying on your innate good judgment and common sense about how much information to share, spending an hour in a public place with someone who passed your initial smell test is not all that difficult.

Personally, I continue to be amazed at how many smart, personable, successful and decent gentlemen there are right here in Portland who I have absolutely no interest in getting to know further than that first meeting, i.e. to date. I know when we get to the “let’s do this again sometime” part that I will screen the call and/or not respond to the email. Some have called me picky, shallow – or even anti-social – perhaps so. I just haven’t adjusted to men my age looking like older men. I realize they are looking at a woman of a “certain age” but from the inside-out view, my outlook is about twenty years off. Besides, in this blind date scenario, both parties are essentially sizing up the other (Would I? Could I?), something that was much more likely to get a “maybe so” when both were in our prime. Couples that have grown up together likely still look at each other and see the youthful face they fell in love with. I think that’s why we so often hear about people rekindling old relationships when they run into former loves at school reunions. They can see that handsome young thing behind the jowls, reading glasses, balding heads and expansive bellies.

Despite my pessimism, every several months or so, I give it a go; update my profile, pay for a couple of months of some dating website and start the exploration. Amazingly, a few weeks ago, I hit the dating jackpot. I found my soul-mate, and he makes “later middle age” look amazing. Handsome, fit, intelligent, funny, well dressed, educated – the dude had it all. To add to the fun, he said and did all the right things. By our second date, I knew I would have to figure out how to deal with a bit less of my precious solitude, and I was only partially concerned. I knew I had to go slow, but I was up for it.

So, of course, he didn’t call back. Karma got me. Back to the drawing board.

Anyone know any cute grandpas out there?